*For a Chemo Patient

Its been a month since I updated Facebook and two months since I updated the blog. TLDR: I'm doing well.* 

*For a chemo patient. 

**In December. 

My side effects from treatment are manageable - but they are there. The biggest challenges I have faced are not directly related to cancer treatment, but cancer treatment makes them more difficult.

I'm now in the home stretch for chemo - only ONE more treatment to go!! 🎉🥳 But that also means that the biggest effect from ongoing treatment - fatigue - has built up. My oncologist tells me my bloodwork looks "great!" But the asterisk applies - it looks great for a chemo patient. My white blood cells are borderline and my red blood cells are low. Not low enough to require any intervention and not low enough to affect my treatment plan, just low enough to make me sleep more than I ever have in my adult life. And low enough for me to get the mother of all colds that knocked me back for about a month.

And its the winter. Its dark and cold. There is no good time to have cancer, but I do wish for warmer weather. For five weeks, physical activity or going outside made me cough, so there are no walks with the pup or trips to the gym. Its hard to motivate myself to go out in the cold during the best of times!! 

Also, I'm not exactly ready early for the holidays in a normal year. So Its been a little surprising that during this time of year, how many times I've been asked about being "ready" for the holidays. More than how I'm doing or if I need anything. And I get it. Its what people ask at this time of year. This is a busy and often difficult time of year for many. And usually, I decline offers for help. And no one wants to get me sick. And I look like I'm doing okay. (And mostly I am.) And the longer something goes on - as cancer treatment does - the more it fades in the background. 

Even in my own mind, I'm impatient with myself. I push hard and then crash. I try to be and do what the kids need or what they just want. I struggle to be mindful of what I need on any given day at any given moment - more rest? More activity? I lean on Dave and try to make sure he also has some outlets.  

The first four cycles of my chemotherapy - AC - was objectively more difficult with more side effects. The second four - Taxol - are objectively easier with fewer and vaguer side effects. But my body is tired, with less in the tank to cope. This round, I've had mild and brief itchiness on the palms of my hands and the bottoms of my feet. I am having mild mouth sensitivity. And I get aches around my joints by the end of the day. I've lost more of my eyebrows and eyelashes, but the hair on my head is slowly coming back. 

Since I usually wear a hat, I realized that there are no pictures (I think) of me with my little bald head. I took a selfie - with fresh makeup - to document how I look before it starts changing. You can already see the dark fuzz on top, a sign that time and treatment is marching on. 

I was so frustrated to have delays in treatment, because it means that the phase of acute treatment will stretch even further into next year. While I have never run a marathon (and never will!), I imagine this as a mental marathon. Maybe a bit of a physical one as well. Hills, weather, aches and pains, an occasional downhill. I'm looking forward to finishing with my last chemo treatment on December 29 and having the chance for my body to coast a little bit before the next uphill challenge of radiation.